I suffer the same imposter syndrome that was discussed by the horror panelists on Saturday morning at Fantasycon. It’s not false modesty. There are so many good short story writers in the horror and weird field today, and so many superb single-author collections, that I suffered a brief crisis of confidence when I decided to publish ‘Some Will Not Sleep’ myself. To go to such lengths to produce that hardback, was I dressing mutton as lamb? Or in my case, was I disguising a spindly, dung-plastered sheep in robes spun from a goat’s cashmere?
‘Some Will Not Sleep’ picked up Best Collection yesterday at the British Fantasy Awards 2017, and my messy bonfire of an acceptance speech was proof of my feelings of unworthiness. But the only reason the book was ever visible in a crowded field was down to so many of you who supported the book, appreciated it, and gave it so much “word”. I was given the award but many of you, ultimately, put the trophy between my hooves.
The award was also a very sweet cherry that tops a two year exploration into self-publishing, in which I have produced three free books and two collections from a dead-stop. To figure out how to create the editions, and to become competent in many other aspects of publishing has been exhausting, testing, expensive, and not without face-in-hands moments. But, the process was also liberating and exciting and worth it. This award will be treasured (as was the hug from Pat Cadigan!).
Those who never slept, I salute thee!